We’ve all read those articles “30 things I wish I knew in my 30’s…” This is my attempt at not writing that article, even though it’s often brimming with well-lived wisdom. Recently, I set a goal of publishing one Rebeccammendation each week, or “Rebeccammendation of the Week” (ROTW), across the topics that I cover, career, marketing, travel, entertaining, design, all under the lifestyle umbrella of my blog’s theme – curated ideas for a thoughtful life. Sometimes I will publish on my Instagram feed, but I’ll aim for posting most of them here on the blog. Here’s my Rebeccammendation Of the Week in Lifestyle: Own Your You. Closely related, but not to be confused with the popular millennialism: You do you.

What do I mean by Own Your You? Stop fighting that which you are fighting. That doesn’t mean stop fighting for what’s important to you. What I mean is: Find areas in your life where things feel forced, or where you’re over-exerting energy in an attempt to align, fit in, mimic, or be something you feel you should. Then, undo that effort, let it go, surrender and find a new plan that comes easier and removes that friction. Stop trying too hard where it’s not working and go towards what feels right. Float with the current. Just be (as long as you’re being respectful), and don’t apologize for it, don’t justify it, and quiet those judgement voices! (Wow, when did I start sounding like a yoga instructor? Denver is rubbing off on me already…) This sounds great and all, but how can this actually be put into practice?

Here’s a career example:

Not too long ago at work, I found myself on a team and in a role that was just not feeling right. I felt like I was trying too hard to fit in, while I had a full skillset and career of experience to apply. I was open minded and learned as much as I could in a role that didn’t come too naturally from team members who had different skillsets than I did. But, all the while, I knew something was off and I finally admitted I was fighting to fit into the role.

I approached my manager and had a series of conversations, showcasing my strengths and skillset that I felt could be adding more, and better value to the team and to our customers. I had regular career chats with my mentors, former managers, and colleagues on other teams to learn about their work, gather advice, build my network, and get ideas like finding a gap or niche where I could apply my specialty.

Over several months, and through lots of hard work and patience, I put together a presentation that showed how I viewed the work on our team through my own lens, applying my skillset, training, and knowledge. I presented it to my manager and another leader on our team. This got the ball rolling on conversations that sparked ideas of how I could help fill gaps that I wasn’t exposed to, but our leadership was. I was then asked to help on a project that encompassed more of what I am good at and an opportunity to make a bigger impact. Sure enough, it turned out to open lots of doors, introduce me to more people, and help me contribute what I do best to our amazing company.

Had I not acknowledged to myself, and to my manager, that the work I was doing wasn’t fitting, and had I not looked within to admit that I was forcing myself, trying to fit in with something that didn’t feel natural when I knew I could make a bigger impact that was more in line with who I am and where I’m trying to go, I wouldn’t have had those pivotal conversations that have helped me find a new professional groove.

Here’s another example that, of all things, relates to my beauty routine!

I’ve been straightening my hair since I was about 10 years old. I’ve spent countless dollars and hours fighting my curly hair because, when I was younger, I didn’t like it, and as I got older, not only did I not know how to style it, but the beauty industry gravitates towards straight hair – look at the rise of Dry Bar (which is an amazing invention, I admit). I even spent money and time to get chemical relaxers every four months since high school (~15 years!). Did it work? Yes! Absolutely, it made my life easier by helping me fight my thick hair when styling it.

Recently, while moving to Denver, I was looking for a salon that could help me with the same relaxer, and I couldn’t find it! I took it as a sign that Denver is a more natural city when I came across a curly hair salon that doesn’t straighten hair! No flat irons, no straightening products. no chemicals treatments. But wait, give up control? Not me! Just kidding – I decided to give a curly consult a try. The stylists encouraged me to just own it and gave me some tips and lessons on how to make it feel a little less crazy than I feel it is. And so, I’m going for it! Sulfate-free, chemical-free, relaxer-free, I put an end to forcing control, forking over dollars, and trying so hard on getting ready every day! The funny thing is – I didn’t even realize this was a source of stress! Likely due to the chemical free hair products like Oligo Curl Balm and Kiehl’s Amino Acid Shampoo and Conditioner , and maybe lifting the pressure has improved my skin, sleep, and it’s really fun to play with my technique!

I’m sure there will be days or special occasions where I’ll want to work for straight tresses, or hey, maybe I’ll splurge and have someone do it for me, but for now, I’m owning my crazy curls, working on taming them just enough, and feeling most excited about relinquishing the effort and fighting my natural self.

Let me caveat by saying, I don’t have it all figured out and I still have lots of bad hair days. Every day, I encounter situations where I think I could have handled them differently, and certainly, there are always situations where I feel the need to exert a little extra effort to fit in. But, approaching my mid-thirties, I’m more in tune now than ever with my health (goodbye chemicals!), keeping stress levels in check, finding ways to decompress before burn-out, socializing to build community instead of confidence, and taking a look at my own status quo for opportunities to make my life easier, more fun, be comfortable in my skin – or my curls, and own my me!

What do you think? Are there areas in your life that you find yourself forcing, or over-exerting when you can take the easy road? What can you simplify that might be a little bit scary but also invigorating and freeing? I’d love to hear in the comments!

In the meantime, if anyone’s interested in exploring your “journey to curly”, send me an email or a note and let’s chat products and process!